Talking vs “Talking”


  1. engaging in speech.
  2.  the action of talking; speech or discussion.


There was a time when talking actually meant one of these two things. Culture has recently added the phrase “talking” into a relationship context.

Urban Dictionary defines “talking” as:

“When two people are not exclusive with each other nor have established what they are as a couple, but have some sort of relationship.”


I would like to personally define this as the ridiculously vague stage of “I don’t like labels” where a guy and girl condone a non-committal mutual agreement to toy with one another’s hearts for long periods of time because of fear and a lack of honor and leadership.


When people are directly asked, “who wants to be in a non-committal, dead-end, relationship with no hope of success?” most people immediately reject this notion. However, the truth of the matter is, MOST single people have already fallen into this category. To make matters worse, many of these people are Christians.

In one camp we have the headstrong males and females that have read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Just Do Something and believe that the answer to all life’s dating problems are just to “go find the one you like and tell them you want them/make it happen” as if humans were devoid of choice, emotions, or purpose.

The other camp holds all those that are “talking” who have a fear of commitment and are always looking out for something better. They believe that God will shine down a bright light, sprinkled with gold dust on “the one” (who will have their name written in the sky, of course) that they should marry. Then and ONLY then will they make a decision as to God’s will for their lives.

I’ve said this before, but I’m pretty sure neither of these approaches to relationships are biblical. Yes the Old Testament has several stories of how women were treated more like property than partners and men could just point out who they wanted to marry, but that was due to culture, not because of God. Adam and Eve were not created as “owner and slave” they were created to complement one another as equal partners.



As always, it is important that we look to God how to deal with both extremes, especially the “talking” crowd.


For those that are on the I Kissed Dating Goodbye/Just Do Something bandwagon:

Proverbs 16:3

Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed.


This is a clear statement that we are to lay all our works, efforts, etc. on the Lord and HE will cause everything to be established according to HIS will. This goes against the notion that we have the ability to do what we want and then tell Jesus He has to approve and bless our decision. That is NOT how our God works. We DO NOT do what we want and then ask Him to bless it. We DO ask Him to teach us and show us how we can be a blessing to others. God does not have to bless His works…because HIS works ARE ALREADY BLESSED; Selah [calmly think about that].


To those that are living in a vague world, lacking commitment and conviction:

Matthew 5:37 [Amp]

Let your Yes be simply Yes, and your No be simply No; anything more than that comes from the evil one.

James 5:12 [Amp]

But above all [things], my brethren, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath; but let your yes be [a simple] yes, and your no be [a simple] no, so that you may not sin and fall under condemnation.


Twice Jesus says to let your yes be yes and your no be no. He thought it was a lesson important enough to repeat. This means that those who are pursuing relationships need to either fully commit to a “yes” or fully commit to a “no.”

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this means putting a label on something. This means that the urban dictionary version of “talking” needs to be eliminated completely from the stages of relationships. Honor each other in friendship, seek the Lord, and then date/court one another if there is a mutual interest in pursuing marriage. Otherwise, let your “no” be “no” by honoring one another as friends.


How would you feel if you had to patiently wait for your spouse while they had a long drawn out vague relationship with someone else that was doomed to fail? So, if the assumption is that we wouldn’t want to wait for our spouse under those circumstances, then why would we do that to them?



Stop Talking. Start Honoring. Selah


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