People can think one way and speak another. They can also persuade others to think differently of themselves…by the way they speak.
The difference between Men of God and “good guys” is not the speech that comes from their mouths, but the actions that follow them. Most men know the “right” things to say in order to impress and gain the attention of someone of interest, yet their actions do not match up.
What Godly women need to know is that while a man may say all the things you’ve longed to hear, time will tell you if His actions will follow. Rather than immediately accepting the advances of a man, get to know his character.
Society has allowed men to get away with lowering the standards and responsibilities of “Men of God” rather than holding them accountable. Verbal communication is one of the most prominent ways men have discouraged and devalued the women in their lives, while not being held accountable for it.
Seasoned believers and new believers in Christ know how to say things like “I would like to pursue you, and if we could spend some time praying about a possible relationship…that would be awesome. I want to keep Christ at the center of everything we do.”
The catch is, while every man has the ability to say these things, not every man has the ability to live up to them, and despite what hormones and wishful/hopeful friends tell you…a few days is not enough time to accurately judge the character of your would-be pursuer. Yes there is a lack of good men in the world, but the first male to show signs of “good” is not necessarily ready to live up to Christ’s expectations of what leader He wants in your life.
What Men need to know is that words are more powerful than we could possibly imagine. When men don’t live up to the words that come out of their mouths, thereby shirking any honor they may have possessed, there are often devastating results. Even words that are intended for good, can also be a huge source of pain and suffering.
When men say they will love and honor a woman in their lives, these words build trust and cause women/others to feel secure and let their guards down. The men that do not back up these words with action…in essence, take advantage of an unguarded woman, and attack the very thing we are supposed to protect: her heart.
Her heart belongs to and WILL always belong to Jesus Christ…and when we use our words to tear down the walls around that heart only to realize that we can’t live up to the expectations we put on ourselves, we replace walls of truth, love, and honor with new walls of fear, doubt, despair, pain, suffering, and low self-esteem.
What’s worse is that we continue to use words in order to pass blame to others for our own shortcomings, rather than taking responsibility for our actions and growing from them. It would be much easier to tell a woman “I am not sure that I can live up to the expectations of what you need in a man of God and want to get your thoughts and prayers on this.” than to say “I can’t do this …I think the evil one is just attacking me and you’re a distraction from Jesus.”
TRUTH speaks volumes and allows for growth. TRUTH keeps community and a “we” mentality of a relationship. The moment fear, lies, and lack of responsibility come into play…is when the relationship can go from “we” to a selfish “I” mentality. It is no longer about outdoing one another in honor and loving someone above yourself. Christ is removed from the situation, foundations are lost, honor is forgotten, and people get hurt…
Living honorably does not merely mean speaking the right words, knowing the Christianese, or hanging out with the right people. Living honorably means that we not only must fix our minds on honorable things, but put them into practice:
For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.
Real Men of God use words to uplift, and actions to reinforce.
Real Men of God know the value of the person next to them and the value of the truth.
Real Men of God are men of their word…and men of THE Word.
The upright (honorable, intrinsically good) man out of the good treasure [stored] in his heart produces what is upright (honorable and intrinsically good), and the evil man out of the evil storehouse brings forth that which is depraved (wicked and intrinsically evil); for out of the abundance (overflow) of the heart his mouth speaks.